• Today's Rant: We Need A US Constitution Version 2.0
  
• Columnist Daryl Rowlandson: Why Does Everybody Hog The Left Lane On The Interstate?
  
• Breaking News: Benjamin Harrison Memorial Elementary School To Require Uniforms, Students Plan To Strike
  
• Columnist Ruth Lair: Why Does Everybody Hog The Left Lane On The Interstate?
  
• Stop The Presses: Monaco Launches Nuclear Bomb
  
• Iceland Declares War On US: A Special Report
  
• Researchers Discover 61% Of Citizens Can't Name The Secretary Of Education
  
• Breaking News: Michael Jackson and Pamela Anderson Elope To Las Vegas!
  
• William Taft Memorial Indians Win Baseball Tournament
  
• Dodgers Conquer The Diamondbacks 9-3