<UL>
<LI>This Just In: Kevin Ashbridge and Dallas Domingo Declared "Town Drunks" By Dogwood Village City Council<BR>
<LI>Top Story: 136 Members Of The "Organization Of Outraged Soccer Moms In Support Of Increased Military Spending" Protest In Front Of City Hall<BR>
<LI>New Study Reveals 16% Of Deaths Are Caused By Dihydrogen Monoxide<BR>
<LI>"That Billboard On 36th St. Is Offensive" Says Columnist Cindy Moxley<BR>
<LI>Breaking News: St. Louis Ivy League College Study Finds Used Car Commercials Cause Suicidal Tendencies<BR>
<LI>Gas Prices Rise 4 Cents Nationwide, Motorists Panic: A Special Report<BR>
<LI>Forest Fires Erupt In West Virginia, Threaten Top Secret Military Base<BR>
<LI>Top Story: Federal Government Declares Acme Toy Electric Chair(tm) Unsafe<BR>
<LI>41% Of Medical Studies Are Bogus, New Study Claims<BR>
<LI>West Virginia Tech Wins The Trans World Airlines Bowl<BR>
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