• Breaking News: Oklahoma Set To Open 44th Turnpike
  
• Angels Beat The Red Sox 5-1 After 10 Innings
  
• Wal-Mart Supercenter Causes Last Mom & Pop Operation In Atlanta To Close: A Special Report
  
• Researchers Discover Used Car Commercials Cause Suicidal Tendencies
  
• New Study Reveals 43% Of Arkansas Residents Can't Name Their US Senator
  
• New Study Reveals 51% Of North Carolina Residents Can't Name Their State Senator
  
• Clairvoyant Camel Earns Gambler $14 Million!
  
• Stop The Presses: Monaco Invades Monaco, 90 Killed
  
• "Nonsense" Author Wins $6 Million Lottery Prize
  
• Bob Dole Held For Ransom By Greenland Terrorists!